What is a repair attempt in Gottman therapy?

• A. A plan to end the relationship permanently
• B. A moment when one partner tries to escalate conflict
• C. A moment when one partner tries to de-escalate or reconnect during conflict
• D. A method to win an argument

Answer: (C)

Repair attempts are moments during a disagreement when one partner tries to de-escalate the tension or reconnect with the other person. In Gottman therapy, these moves are crucial for keeping the relationship connected even when emotions run high. They can be verbal or nonverbal—things like softening your tone, acknowledging the other person’s feelings, apologizing, offering empathy, changing the subject to reduce defensiveness, suggesting a break to cool down, or light humor to ease the moment. The key is not the wording itself but the intention to repair the emotional bond rather than escalate the fight.

A successful repair helps prevent a downward spiral, especially after attempts at contempt or accusation. When repair efforts are welcomed and reciprocated, the couple can return to a constructive dialogue and stay engaged rather than drifting apart. If repair attempts are ignored or dismissed, partners can become more polarized, and the relationship quality tends to worsen. This concept highlights that maintaining connection during conflict is possible through small, timely gestures aimed at reconnection, not through winning the argument.