Which of the following is a sign of a healthy friendship in a marriage, according to Gottman?

• A. Frequent arguing, stonewalling, contempt
• B. Positive affect, cognitive room, and turning toward each other
• C. Isolation from each other
• D. Constant criticism and defensiveness

Answer: (B)

Healthy friendship in a marriage, per Gottman, is built on warmth, positive interactions, and a responsive stance to each other’s bids for connection. Positive affect means regularly showing warmth, appreciation, affection, and kindness in everyday moments. When one partner makes a bid—for closeness, help, or share a joke—the other responds by turning toward them with engagement and support, rather than ignoring, judging, or pulling away. This tendency creates “cognitive room” to think and respond calmly, giving each other the mental space to feel heard and valued.

These elements together reflect a strong friendship within the relationship. Patterns like frequent arguing, stonewalling, contempt, isolation, or constant criticism and defensiveness, in contrast, erode that friendship and are associated with poorer relationship health.